


Redemption For The Little Heart I Still Keep

by Deadby_Flash, Thy_noxious



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky and Loki become BFFs, Dark Thor, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Intersex Loki, Laufey is a bastard, Laufey's A+ Parenting, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, Loki is a fucking magdalene, Loki wasn't the bad guy in The Avengers, Loki-centric, M/M, Mindfucked Thor, Multi, Obsessive Behavior, Overprotective Bucky is an understatement, Post Mpreg, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve, Sexual Abuse, Surrogate mother! Loki, There's gonna be lots of angst so be ready, he becomes crazy as a goat, implied Thorki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:57:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2189133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadby_Flash/pseuds/Deadby_Flash, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thy_noxious/pseuds/Thy_noxious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Within the shadows of long ago forgotten memories, remains the painful witness of a broken heart.</p><p>Or</p><p>Loki runs away with his baby from his father, who uses him as a surrogate mother for his own business.<br/>He searches for a new beginning and he may have encountered it with his savior and his friends but life is always threatening him in the worst ways.<br/>He never expected to be encoutered by enough dauntlessness to run away from the claws of his misfortune and find people who would leave anything behind in order to keep him safe and sound. Though, even when he starts to learn sharing is caring, one unwanted borrower will take him back to where he started.</p><p>A Steve/Bucky fic with Loki on it. Lots of angst. There will be torture and violence later. You've been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to thank Satanssin for being the beta of this work. And my dear friend Deadby_Flash, who's the other crazy girl behind this

The asphalt was cold under his skin, rough and bumpy. He was going to fall very soon, but he wanted to find ‘the right spot’. Despite the darkness of the night pouring itself on the highway, he guided himself as if it was daytime. He couldn’t stop running, not even when his lungs strained to receive the oxygen he wasn’t able to inhale or the sharp pain he felt on his long ago contracted legs.

His father could be looking for him, knocking on every door, tapping on every window and losing his temper every time he received a negative answer to his questions. Oh, what he would do to him if he was to be found, after all he has done- no, he couldn’t throw the weight of all the disgraceful actions his father had found useful to put him through. For so long, all those terrible thoughts fired at him.

_It’s your fault._

_You’re weak._

_Whore._

He wouldn’t bear it anymore. He wasn’t weak, the bruises on his body and soul, the blisters on his feet, they were the proof.

 _No,_ he thought, he had to remain on his feet not only for his own sake but for the tiny bundle cuddled in his arms. The 12 hour-old living creature needed warmth and Loki’s body heat was not enough, not in the middle of nowhere under 10 degrees Celsius. The chilling air started to numb his limbs.

His consciousness was starting to leave him and there was no place to refugee in 7 miles around. He won’t be able to stay upright in a few minutes, he was fading away. He glanced at the never ending road in front of him; his blurred vision didn’t help determining if there was danger around him. He looked up again and tried to continue with his runaway but his legs were giving up. One last time, Loki stared at the highway and squinted something in the distance, maybe it was just some kind of trick that his over-exhausted mind was playing to him but he didn’t care anymore, he was too tired to think about it.

The last thing he saw was a big dark silhouette coming towards him. Was it his hunter? He could not tell exactly. This was it, maybe the end or a new beginning. He left a heavy sigh as his body dragged him onto the ground. Voices in his head sounded alarmed. His knees touched the ground and he made the effort not to fall over the little one, so he rolled onto his back and the sudden feeling of being lifted came to him. Was he dead? Was he only unconscious? Or was he actually being carried? Within a weak gaze he noticed the worried but soft gesture in the man’s face, whose arms were now holding him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Rogers finds an unexpected surprise on his way.

Steve was still awake at 2 a.m. he felt a bit uneasy that night and couldn’t conceive some sleep right away. He decided that it wasn’t a bad idea to go for a run; at least it would keep his mind entertained for a while. He changed into something more comfortable, he wasn’t planning to run with his pajamas on. Then, he took his keys and left.

Neither the cold weather nor the hour stopped him from doing his weird plan. 10 °C was nothing for a superhuman; he knew it but he just didn’t want to brag about it.

He jogged around the Jeffersonian’s gardens this time, and then prepared himself to go for a rather bigger challenge. He wanted to see how far into the northern highway he could go. He was running alongside the road border, a few light posts illuminated his path and the wind was blowing furiously on his face rushing past his skin like razorblades. He was starting to shiver. Returning home became part of his plan but settled that a couple more miles wouldn’t hurt.

 _Come on, Rogers, a few more meters and you’ll break Bucky’s record,_ the blonde man spoke to himself. Now he was very far away from home, maybe it was time to get back. As he returned on his feet, he glanced at someone over his shoulder. It was not so far away but seemed like an illusion to Steve. _Who could be passing at this hour in the night, in the middle of the road and alone_? Well, he better stopped questioning that because he was doing the same.

Hesitantly, he came closer to the bohemian looking passerby who sprinted beside the road. As he got nearer, Steve recognized that it was indeed someone: a young man who tried his best not to fall to the ground. _He’s maybe drunk_ , the soldier whispered, then stopped for a moment and stared rightly at the guy and noticed that he carried a small bundle that he protected constantly. The man looked weary, like he’d been running for two days with no rest or even a slight pause on his journey. The captain advanced a few more steps, not taking his eyes from the other man.

“Hey, do you need some help? Are you lost?” the captain inquired to the stranger but he didn’t answer back. Unexpectedly, the guy lost his balance and made the effort to roll onto his back, using it as a shield for the little bundle wrapped on his arms –he was guarding it from the fall. Steve picked up his pace; he couldn’t leave the guy over there. He hurried over him and got a hold of his right arm, not letting another part of his body hit the ground.

The man was losing consciousness; Steve spoke to him again in an attempt of keeping him awake but his eyes were unfocused and then he dropped his stare. Rogers lifted him and directed a dubious look at the tiny thing on the man’s arms. He unveiled the folds around it and within the blanket a subtle squirm caught his attention. A beautiful baby was hiding under the covers. Rosy skin covered its features which made him look as soft as a feather. Eyes shut embellished with long dark lashes and scalp covered in pitch-black hair, it was as short and dense as his end of week stubble. Despite the unforgiving cold weather, the child was nearly as calm as if it was sleeping but it was looking right at him with those big blue eyes as bright as the sky on a sunny morning and a merely open mouth.

He then focused on the pale-skinned man and became aware of his weak pulse. He couldn’t leave them right there, they could be either lost or in danger and he didn’t think twice before rushing back to his apartment with them. He won’t be leaving these poor souls at the mercy of the night. They wouldn’t die on him.

It took him less than an hour to arrive home. Steve couldn’t reach for his keys so he tried to knock on the door to see if at least Natasha or Bucky were home and willing to open it.

 

\---

 

There was a persistent knocking at the apartment’s door, it couldn’t be Steve, he never knocked that furiously and desperate. Bucky and Tasha glanced at each other, both looking a bit concerned and estranged. Bucky straightened up from his seat on the dining room and went to attend his insistent roommate. He took his time, he was wide awake but it was still early and there was no reason to hurry, he didn’t think of the situation as an urgent matter. At least he was thinking that before a loud _Open the goddamn door!_ came from the other side. He picked up his pace and now he was sure that it was Steve and he sounded like he could use some help.

“What on Earth makes you think that-“Bucky muttered as he opened the door, the sight of the body on his companion’s arms flabbergasted him. He was processing everything or at least trying to.

“What? But ho-“he trailed off and tried again “How do these _things_ happen to you?” Bucky kept inquiring.

“Where did you find him, Steve?” his golden friend didn’t respond back still.

“C’mon Rogers, don’t leave me here talking out loud like a crazy man!” he was yelling now, he had lost his patience.

“Maybe _you_ _are_ one” Steve said calmly while trying to find the correct place to rest their new visitors. “The scandal you’re making will make the neighbors complain even more, you know” he commented to his childhood friend. Steve was accustomed to his tantrums because he knew that they weren’t malicious, Bucky was always trying to catch his attention with every new idea that entered on his mind. He was thinking about that as he approached Bucky’s bedroom and laid the raven-haired man on the bed.

James was watching him the whole time and didn’t complain when Steve got into his room. He knew him, he was aware of his brilliant and kind soul and that this situation was another excuse to sleep on his bed one more time. Bucky was certain of that but he still wanted some answers about the stranger on his bed. He stared at Natasha; she was removing and rearranging the stuff he’d left on his bed and floor, he had to admit that he wasn’t as organized as his golden boyfriend.

He was leaning against the door’s frame, even though he wanted to be of any help he wouldn’t, not unless he understood completely Steve’s reasons.

“Don’t rush asking me anything because I know nothing” Steve stated. He wanted to focus on the man and nothing else.

“Where did you find him, though?” asked Tasha, completely ignoring what he’d just said to what Bucky chuckled whilst heading to where the little bulge of cloth was lying on his couch. He approached slowly as he put his eyes on it.

“Let it be a kitten. C’mon a kitten, please, _kitten_!” he repeated like a mantra on his head. With shaky hands he removed the fabric to reveal there was a baby on it. “Not a kitten…” he sighed.

“What _are_ you?” he then tilted his head, rethinking of what he’d just told to the small creature who was now staring at him. A long minute passed before he reached for the baby and carried it while humming softly. There was something in the child’s eyes that spoke to him, he didn’t know what it was, but it was fine for him, he’d find out sooner or later. With his right hand, he placed a warm finger on the tip of the little one’s nose.

“Look at you, so blushed and lovely” Natasha cooed interrupting Bucky. He turned his head slightly to look at her and frowned.

“Mr. I-don’t-show-my-emotions-in-front-of-anyone-but-Stevey’s back” she called him from behind. He didn’t mind –well, he minded but just a bit, and this occasion deserved it. Only this time, he would soften for someone else to see. But for now, he put the newborn back where it was and directed his attention to the older guy lying unconscious on his bed. He crossed his room’s door and walked to where Steve was.

“He was almost dead when I picked him up…” Steve muttered to Bucky. “There was no-one around, just him and the uh-“

“Yeah”

They still didn’t know how to explain the presence of the nursling and how it didn’t die or get ill with such a frosting climate, in fact, how both of them didn’t die with such little protection. New England’s weather was to die for, literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again! I hope you liked the first chapters of this thing. Forgive my mistakes, it's my first time writing a fic.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is in a rather safer place than before. It is time for him to get used to being loved, for once. But it doesn't start as well as planned.

The captain checked the sleeping stranger every hour; he couldn’t rest peacefully knowing that those two lives depended of him. He merely moved around or sat down on a nearby chair, he wasn’t moving until the man was awake and out of danger. Steve looked outside of the bedroom; he explored the apartment’s living room with his eyes seeking for the little one.

He found the baby, but couldn’t believe his eyes when he did. There was Bucky, with a slight smile on his handsome face, cooing and rocking the tiny newborn now resting on his arms, his metallic arm covered in a cloth to keep it warm for the baby. He enjoyed the beautiful sight for a few minutes; memorizing everything, he would make sure to never forget that picture; The Winter Soldier’s heart melting for a child. If he told Bucky, he would just ignore him and say that it wasn’t something from another world, but Steve knew that his friend wasn’t the type of man who showed his emotions to anyone, so it was why he considered that specific gesture weird from his part. Not that he wanted to say that Barnes was a cold man; actually, he was a very reliable and hilarious person but wasn’t the emotional type. Showing his sentiments was an unusual thing from him.

After thinking too much time about Bucky, Steve returned his attention to where the raven-haired man was resting.  He watched him carefully and noticed that he had a frown on his face, looking almost uncomfortable on his sleep. He supposed that it was just a bad dream, but still decided to check if something was bothering him. He came closer and took a few soft steps to take the man’s pulse; he got hold of his right arm and moved it lightly trying his best not to disturb his rest. His heartbeat was a bit faster than the usual. He repositioned his arm where it was lying and left him to his slumber.

Dawn was already rising, the first sunlight rays filtered through the opening of the curtains’ window. Steve walked over to open them, irradiating some light into the room. He observed the place, eyeing the stuff James left thrown all over the way. He was scanning every pair of sock, every dirty boxer tossed over the furniture _. Oh, what a pleasant way to live, Buchanan_ , Steve chuckled because of his appreciation from Bucky’s mess. He imagined himself opening a drawer and finding it empty because all of his companion’s clothes were perfectly disarrayed around the floor.  _Someday, I’ll encounter one of Bucky’s “pets” roaming free..._  and by that, he meant rats.

He stood there, watching the man next to him just in case he woke up. The pale man’s figure moved under the blankets, he was coming back to the real word. Steve heard a deep yawn and the friction of the fabric against the man’s limbs. He stretched like a cat would –mixed with some kind of yoga- and it seemed like he was searching for something under the covers; eyes still shut, sliding his hands away from him. Rogers thought it would be a nice thing to bring his visitor a warm meal in the early morning, such a nice detail from him. It was a good start, in fact, so he left the room quickly and quietly and came back to the kitchen meanwhile the living dead were raising from their short slumber. He poured some water into the kettle and started boiling it, and then he fried a couple eggs, made some toasted bread with garlic sauce in a pan, and took a mug for the hot water to make some coffee. He arranged everything on a tray and returned on his steps. These weren’t his best dishes but it was good enough to serve.

Once heading towards Bucky’s door, a loud thud pierced the super soldier’s ears followed by the sound of a lamp falling. He thought it was nothing at the beginning but a sudden scream made him think otherwise. He left the plate on the kitchen’s table and directed his attention to see what the origin of the commotion was.  Tasha crossed his path and reached Buck’s room first. She tilted her head, peering into his chambers. A sudden gasp left her mouth and she rushed inside. He didn’t understand why she ran inside like that but another high-pitched cry clarified his thoughts.

He went inside and found the man struggling with Tasha. He looked completely desperate and helpless, trying to get the red-haired woman out of his way. He was bewildered; his eyes were wide open, full of worry and fear; and he was mumbling something inaudible for Steve. He sobbed like a frightened child. When Steve tried to come near him, he startled him with another loud shriek. He tried to reason with him.

“Hey, it’s fine. We’re not going to harm you” he intended to lessen the tension in the room. “We just want to help you” he said very slowly, walking towards them.  

Natasha made the effort to hold him against the floor with her weight; he was much taller than her so it was very hard to keep him like that. Steve had to take part in the agitation, not in a violent way but somehow. The stranger panted in a hectic way, pupils dilated with anticipated desperation; he looked so flustered and disconcerted that it made Steve felt almost guilty for no reason, or maybe there was a reason for it. It sent chills to his spine, he had to stop this. His red-headed roommate was now groaning, she was making effort to contain the man on the ground, and both of them were struggling. Steve bent over grabbing the man by the shoulders, freeing Natasha from her exertion. She moved aside letting the captain take hold of the situation.

“GET AWAY FROM _ME!"_ the man in the dirty green shirt screamed at him. His eyes had a dreaded look that was impossible to ignore. He jerked away from him and kicked continuously, Steve noticed that he didn’t want him near. He insisted but got the same reaction. The guy searched something with his eyes, darting to every corner in the room. It hit him like the roar of a thunder, and he realized what was missing.

_The baby, Rogers._

The stranger's chest moved violently, he was sweating and his pulse was frantic. He could see the veins of the man’s neck popping out; he was under too much stress.

“BARNES!” Steve roared.

As soon as Steve called Bucky he stood up and directed towards the door of his very bedroom with the tiny child buried in his strong arms. He got so distracted by such a beautiful small creature that he’d forgotten about the fact that he came along with an older version of it. He forgot he’d showed up with his dad, if he really was his father.    

He was taken aback when he entered to the scene occurring in his room. He didn’t know how to react, at least before Natasha yelled at him.

“Buchanan, stop modelling and FUCKING DO SOMETHING!” She was on the floor, panting; hand on her stomach trying to get back on her feet while his blond partner and their guest wrestled against a wall.

By something, she meant the baby. He stood between them and looked right at the man’s green eyes, alternating between the baby in his arms and the guy. The man gasped with relief and let go off Steve’s throat. The captain was pushed aside as the anxious man reached for his baby and cradled it in his long-pale arms with a small smile on his flushed face. He sobbed quietly and let out a soft cry of elation.

“You’re back” he whispered softly, such words just for the baby and him. “Oh god, I’m glad you’re back. Are you alright? Yes? I thought I’ve lost you” He asked tenderly to the newborn.

Bucky felt rather offended but the kid was not his to complain about it being ripped away. He felt naked without the baby; he knew he was exaggerating, he’d just spent a few hours with it but he fell in love instantly. He enjoyed this new scene: Snow white with his dwarf, snuggling his face into his baby’s cloth, looking all loving and caring; so different from the minutes-ago altercation.

Everyone in the room noticed the change in the man’s behavior, the relief on his face. The speed of his chest movement decreased and the child babbled happily on his father’s chest.

Silence evoked from the room and the excruciating tension of moments ago turned into absolute quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Satanssin! I love you. I really do. And thanks to everyone who'd left comments, We really appreciate it!  
> And sorry for taking a bit too much time to post this...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Many stuff to do for school, we were very busy these months. But yay, finally chapter 4. But, who cares, stop the chitchat and go back to the main plot. Hope this chapter is longer than the others.
> 
> Everyone is trying to get along a bit better with their new guest. It starts very awkward and ends less awkward. Some stucky and Loki feels.

The fantastic threesome agreed to leave the man alone. Romanoff was the last one to cross the door, shutting it close behind her.

 

_What the hell just happened?_

 

Bucky was doing his best trying to act like nothing happened. So was Steve but everyone knew he was a terrible faker and it made the situation worse. Natasha went in her room for a while to put on decent clothing; leaving the hunky men alone, looking at each other without a clue of what to do next.

Bucky walked to the kitchen and looked for his cereal box; he looked into the cabinets and retrieved it to the table. He thought about how much of an asshole he was for letting Steve think that he didn’t care about what was actually going on in their flat. So once the blonde grabbed the tray again he approached and unconsciously did what he was best at when he was bored: annoy Steve.

 

“You’re trembling as if we were under zero degrees here” he said.

 

“I am not- “Steve stopped shaking his right leg and left the tray on the rack “Well, we have an unknown crazy unstable person inside your room”.

 

“He’s unstable but not crazy. I think he’s just scared” They stared at each other, no other words spoken. 

 “What if we just eat breakfast?” Bucky sighed. He sat tiredly on his spot at the table and leaned on his elbows. “Let’s pretend everything’s fine, ok?” with that he finished and focused on his cereal. He stood again and took a bowl for his oats and pulled a carton of milk out of the fridge to complete his breakfast.

Steve didn’t have any better ideas so he joined Bucky and sat in front of him. He reached for the newspaper and made his best to read it but failed miserably. His mind was completely off right now.

 

“So, gonna make some scrambled eggs and coffee or you’re going to stay there with that _saw-a-ghost-face?_ ” Tasha said when she stepped out of her room dressed in casual clothes. She searched on the shelves for three mugs and left them on the table.

 

“What’s your next move, captain?” “Any ideas?” she commented unintendedly.

 

“Can we discuss _this_ later, please? I think it’s not the right time” Steve felt flustered – who wouldn’t-, he’d never expected such a violent reaction from his guest. It made him ponder.

 

Nat stared at him, waiting for another answer that never came. She returned her attention to their morning meal and started cooking.

 

“Whoa, Nat. Are you going to make breakfast? I’d better wait until Steve gets his head back to the present” Bucky said surprised.

 

“Ha ha, funny, Barnes; if you want something special, do it by yourself. I’m no one’s housekeeper” She continued making toasted bread without paying attention to Bucky’s complaining.

 

The captain watched from behind his paper. Their little discussions over someone else's food always ended in laughter. He was glad that his friends had given him some space for his own thoughts.

 

“At least let me help” Bucky insisted.

 

“Shut up and eat your cereal, Popsicle” she ended their little argument.

 

They laughed at Tasha’s joke. It was something she’d come up with after learning about Bucky’s past life in Hydra. She started calling him _Popsicle_ because he’d been frozen for at least 70 years, just like Steve. They both were oversized meat popsicles for her.

That little joke dissipated the tension away.

 

“Hey, want something special today? Pancakes, maybe?” Bucky inquired gently to Steve. He flashed a smile and Steve chuckled with him. He blushed lightly, just a bit of color on his cheeks warming his handsome face.

 

“I’ll accept whatever you wish to do, Buck” he responded warmly with a little smile on his lips.

 

“Aww, sweethearts, I could eat you both” Nat cooed from where she stood. She finished her toasts and put them aside, she then took a pan out of the low shelves and reached for some eggs to make pancakes.

 

“Shut up, Nat” “Hey, that’s my idea. Stop stealing _my ideas-_ and I’ll make the pancakes anyway. Move aside, _Widow”_ Bucky pushed her lightly with his hips. She smirked and gave him some space. He searched for the rest of the ingredients and prepared his cakes. Poor lil’ Bucky didn’t notice he’d spread flour all over the floor.

 

Steve knew that Bucky made the best pancakes ever, he could recall it when they were little, his old friend made them when Steve was sad or got in trouble. It was his way of saying that everything would be okay, sooner or later.

He looked at Bucky again; the dork had burnt his thumb and sucked it persistently. He swore he heard a low curse escaping form the Winter Soldier’s lips.

The red-haired spy and the Winter Soldier finished doing whatever they called _“breakfast”_ and arranged every plate on the table while the Captain just waited for them.

Everything felt awkward –the situation was awkward-.  They settled themselves around the table and pretended that it was a normal day with normal stuff in an average morning.

 

“So, what- Are we supposed to call anyone?” “911, SWAT team, SHIELD? Anybody?” Natasha questioned the two bigger men but then took it back; they were all already too stressed out to even think about meeting with their less approachable security colleagues.

 

“Whatever” she resumed her eating.

 

Steve fell on his friend’s question. She was right. They’d have to call somebody –when they could talk to the guy who almost sent them to a hospital- but thinking about that now was too tiring.

 

“Uhm, Stev, yu gunna ead dat oh nod?” Bucky asked with his mouth full.

 

“That’s not polite, Buchanan. Eat correctly, you little twat” Natasha was the one to cut Bucky.

 

“ _’Kay, mom”_ “I said that if you were going to eat that because I prepared those with all my heart and you’re breaking it by leaving your pancakes aside!” Bucky began speaking in a low voice and ended his sentence in such a high pitched note that it made Steve snort in laughter.

 

“Drama Queen”

 

“Idiot”

 

“Yes, I love you too”

 

“Steve wins this time, sorry Buchanan”

 

“Aww, not fair” Bucky pouted. He took the cereal box and passed it to Steve. The captain’s cereal was now softened and he knew Steve too well that he won’t eat his cereal if it wasn’t crunchy enough.

 

“Thanks Buck, I’ve forgotten about it”

 

“You don’t say” Bucky teased.

 

They continued eating in silence. A clock tic- tacked somewhere in the room, it marked 5 am. Maybe too early for most people –average human beings with average jobs and normal lives- but not for them, who were accustomed to the intensity of a frenetic life; no schedules, no real free time. Silence wasn’t a common state in their lives but they enjoyed it when it made its momentary presence.

Nat tracked the clock’s ticking; she ducked her head and watched it for a long minute. She bored her sight somewhere else, it wandered across the clock’s table and finally stopped on the now forgotten tray. She now remembered it was for the stranger and Steve was supposed to take it to him.

 

“Guys, we missed something", she pointed to the tray and alternated looking between Steve and Bucky, waiting for one of them to move but no one dared to.

 

“Ok, so who’s going to be the brave one and stop being afraid of a guy with a baby, you couple of a-holes?”

 

They didn’t move still.

 

“I didn’t expect more from you, the so-called ‘ _Supersoldiers’ ”_  She stood up, took the plate and headed to Bucky’s room.

 

The two men sat still and never bothered to reply.

 

\---

 

Nat knocked twice. “Hey, you must be dying to taste something” He didn’t answer.

The black-haired guy had his gaze fixed on his child. He didn’t look at her. “I… I don’t know how to-“, his words fell on his lips. “How am I supposed to feed him?” he now looked at her, a plea formed on his irises.

She saw fear in his emerald eyes, he looked so innocent like this, so harmless. _Poor boy, how the hell he ended like this?_

“I’m not quite a good example for that but you got to eat first. He’s not going to get anything from you if you’re not strong enough” She smiled down at him and left without saying another word.

 

 --- 

 

Loki sighed and resigned himself; he didn’t want to eat –yet-. He felt as if his body could reject every single bite he would take. The newborn squirmed softly between his arms and chest. Yes, he was hungry, he could feel it but he didn’t want anything to do with food.

It dawned on him. He was being selfish and he was scared and angry –not sure about what- but he felt the burning sensation of pure loathe.

The baby moved again on his arms, it brought him back to reality. He looked down to find a pair of blue eyes staring firmly at him; with his chubby little hands he reached out to Loki’s chin. It melted Loki’s heart; the cuteness of his creation absorbed him every time he looked at it.

“You have to promise me”, he started “that you will never leave me behind” his throat constricted. His eyes felt wet, he was about to burst out crying but a simple sight to his baby boy was enough for him to realize that he would never be left behind. The child wailed. His child was hungry too, but he looked at the plate and he felt like if he ate anything, his stomach might escape from his body. He sighed and closed his eyes with the satisfaction of just having his baby with him and no one around to harm them.

_For now…_

_NO, You. Fucking. Stop. That._

He had to focus on the fact that he was okay and he had people that seemed to care enough not to throw him out to the streets. He also had to focus on the needs of his baby boy.

With determination, he looked at the plate and with his free hand reached for the first bite of the only well-intended meal he’d ever had.

 

He was still famished by the time he finished the meal the petite red-headed brought to him 15 minutes ago. He wasn’t planning to go outside to ask for more but he really didn’t have any other option apart from it. He sighed and gathered some courage to walk outside.

 

\---

 

15 minutes and a round of pancakes had passed when the stranger walked out the door. Bucky was the first one to notice him.

 

“Look who decided to get out of his cave!” Bucky greeted him happily; a grin full of breakfast on his pretty face.

 

“Once again, finish eating. Then, you speak” Tasha sipped her coffee mug after chastising Bucky, _again._

 

“But, _mom!_ ” Bucky swallowed and stood up, gesturing to the man to take his seat.

 

“Please, join us” Steve added politely. He tried to make it better from this point on. “Are you feeling well? Still hungry?”

 

The man finally sat down with his baby on arms. He looked uncomfortable; he gnawed at his bottom lip and stared at floor tiles. Steve snapped him out of his bubble and he slowly lifted is head to look at him.

 

“Uh, I wanted some food… I mean, a bit more?” the young man responded nervously. He felt completely awkward and dropped his gaze from Steve’s one.

 

“Oh, sure. What do you want? Milk, coffee and pancakes- Oh, not pancakes; Bucky ate the last one.” Steve rose from his seat, went to the upper shelves and took an extra mug. He also found Bucky’s muffin supply for the week and decided to offer one to the thin guy. He arrayed everything –except the muffin- for the man and sat back.

 

Then, there’s the awkward silence again.

The snapping of the spoons against the dishes way too loud to be comfortable.

 

“It’s alright, we don’t bite. At least I don’t” Bucky started.

 

Natasha continued just to annoy him. “Oh please, tell me you don’t remember Steve’s neck last week”

 

Bucky went a deep shade of red and shut his mouth. "That's none of your business"

Poor Steve was blushing too. He offered the muffin to the thin man and he accepted it gratefully. Steve really expected some of their mockery, it was an everyday story.

 

“But that’s mine!” Bucky blurted but Steve dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

 

“It was. Call it payback” the blonde captain replied with a victory smile on his face. He poured milk in the man’s mug; he thought it was the best option for him. “Uh, you know, we need to know your name so that we get along a bit better.” The captain said with a soft voice.

 

The man shrugged uncomfortably but answered the blonde’s guy request in a whisper so muffled that it was almost inaudible for the three around the table.

 

“I- Loki” he first looked at Steve’s eyes but dropped his gaze to his baby in a shy untrusting gesture.

 

“Loki. Pretty name; I’m James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky”

 

“I’m Natasha. Nice to meet you, Loki”

 

“Call her Tasha or Nat”

 

“No need for help, Barnes”

 

“And I’m Steven Rogers. Steve for you” he said politely and smiled at Loki.

 

“Thank you” Loki admitted; pure sincerity and gratitude on his wrecked voice.

 

Steve never expected a reply nor even a _Thank you._ He felt something growing warm inside of him and he blushed shyly. He hid it by lowering his head and stared at the floor tiles. It was when he raised his gaze that he was finally able to see what the darkness of the beginning of dawn didn’t allow him before. A subtle gasp cut his breath.

_The man’s thighs…_

_They had blood dripping._

Quickly, without saying anything he went back to the living room, taking his phone with him. Once out of the gaze of his roommates and the shy visitor he took it out of his pocket and texted as fast and simple as possible.

_We need to call Banner._

Bucky stood up and walked toward him while opening the text and reading it; his eyes wide open with worry. Steve just nods. “His will be a long visit, then”, Bucky sighs with a worried tone.

They don’t say anything for a while, a few exchanges of glances between each other. The silence envelopes them one more time, covering them with a sudden feeling of worry railing their spines up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, first fic here. Leave us some kudos and comments! And thanks to SatanSins for being the beta of this work.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce comes to save the day! Loki is a total badass and his baby is still cute as a button. That's it, basically... (I suck at summaries -Thy_noxious)  
> Warning: there's a small surgery part. Not so graphic and explicit btw, but if you don't like that you can avoid it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, took us a whole month to update. We're slow... No promises for a quick update in next chapter. We'll try anyway. Love for everybody who's keeping up with this story.  
> Thansk to Satanssin again. She's our beta.
> 
> Also! We are well aware that it is extremely rare for an american doctor to even consider see a patient out of a practice but we know, for this story in particular, that Loki has clearly shown no intentions of going outside at all.
> 
> If you took the time to read this, thank you very much.

Steve had called Banner 30 minutes ago. He was supposed to be here in a few minutes. The captain hadn’t explained the real reason why Bruce was on his way to their place nor he said everything to the doctor. He really couldn’t say too much through the phone. It’s better if Banner takes a look rather than hearing his explanation.

Bucky kept gesturing at him, trying to get some clues from his mouth but he wasn’t going to speak until Bruce came to their home.

Loki was already sat down and semi comfy on the living room’s couch, baby in arms. Steve had been walking in circles for at least 20 minutes, trying to decide if he had enough balls to approach this guy directly and tell him some doctor was going to check him out and probably touch him where he wouldn’t like to be touched.

 _Jesus Christ._ He was making it harder for himself, and it even wasn’t such a big deal.

Somehow he finally went up to him to do the business.

 “I was looking forward to tell you something” Steve said.

Loki looked at him as if he was expecting a slap on the face rather than whatever he was about to tell him.

Steve’s heart shrunk a little and he kneeled, supporting his weight in the pressure of his hands on knees. “Uh… we were thinking…” he attempted to say but then reanalyzed what his words were going to be. “I don’t want you to panic, but…” with pain in his chest, he proceeded “You’re bleeding”

The already pale skin of Loki became a pasty white.

_Rogers, you can do this._

Trembling lips faced him. The hint of a panic attack started to surface.

“Considering your… condition, we sorted we have to get you medical help”

Loki looked rather shocked than panicked, his breathing became faster but not alarming.

That was a good sign… sort of.

 

\---

 

Loki went inside Bucky’s room. He wanted to be left alone with his tiny boy until that said _doctor_ came to check him… because he’s been bleeding for a while and hadn’t noticed until the blond guy- Steve told him.

He rocked his baby and cooed at him, the little boy looked at him; he was so calm in his arms. Loki smiled at him and leaned closer so his nose could brush his baby’s little one in an affectionate way.

The boy reached out with his chubby hand at Loki’s bigger one. One long finger met his way and the baby grabbed it. He made a pleasant baby sound and didn’t let go of it. Loki chuckled softly.

He looked at his boy’s face. It was dirty and stained. They both were dirty since he ran away from his father’s imprisoning. Loki didn’t have time to clean his baby nor himself properly. He really needed a shower. _But how can I think about something so superficial when I have to deal with worse things than a bad smell. He could still be looking for m-_ He lost his train of thought when Bucky entered the room.

“Hi… well, I see you need clean clothing and a bath, so here’s one of Steve’s bath robes. Sorry, we don’t really have anything that fits you properly” Bucky said.

 _Oh, thanks lord._ Loki thought gratefully. But, with whom was he going to leave his baby now? “But, my baby”

“I can come with you and hold him for you, just if you want me to, of course.”

Loki didn’t have any other choice but to trust this guy, he trusted him more than the others. Maybe it was because he’d been holding his baby with careful hands even before he did.

“Are you going to enter with me in the shower?” Loki asked a bit confused.

“N –No, no way! What I mean is that I’ll stay in the bathroom with your baby, but outside of the shower… Sorry if you misunderstood.” Bucky didn’t expect that. Loki seemed so innocent some times.

“Oh… sorry” Loki said embarrassed.

 

\---

 

For all Loki knew, people, or actually strangers, wouldn’t lend you their shower and enter the room with you as you clean yourself and also carry your baby for you; but then again, Loki knew almost nothing about socially acceptable behavior and it wasn’t even his fault so he took this kind guy’s offer. He was still hesitant, though. Being in that bathroom made him feel so foreign, he almost forgot that he had to strip in order to take a proper shower.

“Uh, yeah” Bucky started, rocking the child in his arms “The left handle is for cold, right for hot”, with a smirk he sat down on the closed toilet, shifting stares between the newborn and nothing.

 _Clothes, right!_ Loki remembered. He started with his shirt and gave it to Bucky, who received it with his pinky finger, without looking at him in the eye. It was a habit not to stare when his innocence was about to be corrupted once again but a light of hope struck him again to remind him he was safe. He entered the shower with his pants still on, pressed himself to the cold wall while his naked arms reached for the faucets, waited for the steam to coat the glass and only then took his pants off to throw them over the glass. Bucky caught them without juggling. “I… uh…”

Loki listened to the deep voice coming from the other side of the bathroom. He smirked at how awkward the whole situation was, but thanked the man in silence for caring this much. “You can use my shampoo if you want… it’s for brunettes”. A long silence followed Bucky’s one-sided conversation. He didn’t know how to continue it.

Loki’s social skills went down the drain along with all the dirt that covered him, not that he had many.

After 10 minutes of the least enjoyable shower he could ever have had and a rather uncomfortable pain in his lower stomach, he’d dismissed as a normal thing after giving birth not too long ago; he came out of the steaming shower and he was greeted by a turned head with a brunette ponytail and one hand holding the rather large bath robe whilst the other held the sleeping baby sucking his thumb. He put in on and saw right next to the sink a bundle of new clothes, he took them and turned to the door to face Bucky. He had a worried look on his eyes. Not getting why he would give him that stare, the taller man checked around the other until a quick glance at the floor told him why Bucky had that look.

The water, still draining, had a reddish tint to it and it wasn’t subtle. He had already been told by Steve about that issue but maybe Bucky wasn’t aware or maybe he was sort of repelled by blood, something told him that the second thing was false.

Loki was worried, indeed, he’d been feeling a dull pain several times, but didn’t say anything to anyone. But he was comforted in a rather strange way, these people cared about him and they even sought medical help for him.

 _Medical…help. Oh no._ Then it dawned on him, like a bucket of cold water and he was horrified.

 

\---

 

Now he sat there, in Bucky’s bed, with just a bath robe covering his thin frame.

He was getting impatient. His anxiousness always betrayed him. He knew he had to calm down. But it’s hard to forget that a stranger is going to touch you where you don’t want to.

He fidgeted with his thumb, biting down hard on his nail. He carried his baby with his right arm when he heard a soft knock at the door.

_He arrived._

That’s all Loki could think about. He exhaled loudly.

“Yes?” that’s all he managed to say.

“Loki, the doctor’s here. He asks if he can come in” He heard Steve say.

“Sure” Loki tried to sound confident but he knew he was zero percent sure about this.

The door cracked open and then a man on his mid-thirties entered the room. He looked calm and easy-going. He smiled at him. He radiated kindness and it looked like the guy could barely hurt a fly.

“Hi, Loki, I’m Dr. Banner, it’s a pleasure to meet you”

“Hi…” yeah, doctors made him nervous.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” He pointed at the corner of the bed.

“No, of course”

“So tell me, Loki, what do you think is wrong? What ails you?” He spoke to him as if they were really close friends. It started a feel of warmth in Loki.

“Are you always this confident with people?” Loki enquired

Dr. Banner chuckled “I do this because I want you to feel comfortable and safe, obviously”.

Loki opened his mouth in an O shape. Bruce looked briefly at the child lying right next to them, long enough to scan out the baby’s features. He looked healthy but he needed to have a good check of him in order to give a correct diagnose of what their current state is. “I have to check him, you know, not like I will check you but I still need to have a good look at him so I know you both are okay” He couldn’t stretch that more, he wanted to make sure Loki understood every single thing he was doing to not freak him out.

Loki nodded as Dr. Banner checked his vitals. His temperature was 3° degrees lower below of what a normal human being could bear. Bruce assumed it had to do with Steve finding him in the middle of nowhere, extremely early in the morning, out in the freezing air. With the temperature inside the room he was in and the great care those dorks were taking of him, he was going to go back to normal in no time.

“Now, I need you to say AHH and show me your tongue” Loki did and his tongue was too white for that to be a good thing, probably blood loss. Bruce moved his light across Loki’s throat. It wasn’t inflamed. No sore throat; then proceeded to aim his tiny flashlight to the emerald eyes capturing his every move. “These guys react normally to light” He muttered and backed off a little to talk properly to the tall man. “Apparently, kid, you are perfectly fine” He confirmed with a smirk.

“No, but…” Loki seemed alarmed, in the verge of tears. The doctor took the pale guy’s hand in his and held it firmly.

“Hey, big guy, you can tell me anything you feel you need to tell me.”

Loki whispered an “okay”, concealing the knot in his throat, deepened his voice and started “I have this dull pain between my legs” He gestured towards his crotch and Bruce couldn’t help but raised an eyebrow.

“May I?” It was crucial for Bruce to get consent from his patients to actually explore their funny parts even if it was for their own good. He had seen colleagues completely ignore their patients desires to what they would let them touch or see.  He lifted Loki’s bath robe up to his hips. From there he saw nothing suspicious.

“Perhaps… I know it’s not going to sound nice, but… would you spread your legs to, you know, check…?” Bruce said apologetically.

When Loki did, he hadn’t expected to find what he saw. _Oh boy. This cannot be possible._

Bruce fell silent and just stared. He was amazed and puzzled at the same time. _This is why he didn’t tell me about the mother of his baby. It’s because he is._

Of course he’d heard about this kind of cases, intersex people were a rather known subject in medicine. But he knew there weren’t any fertile ones or even a case like Loki’s. He had both male and female parts, fully formed and functioning. Loki wasn’t like others, where there was a malformation of the genitals.

“Good lord” That’s all Bruce could say. He was surprised, he even had a subtle smirk morphing his mouth.

Loki stared at him.

“I mean –How long did you know about your condition?” The doctor asked.

“Since forever” Loki dropped his gaze. Oh, how much he would’ve given up to never know about that part of himself. He sighed mournfully.

Bruce focused again. He took a pair of gloves. He touched lightly Loki’s entrance and spread his labia with two fingers.

Loki whimpered at the sensation. “Ah”

“Sorry, it’s just that you’re bleeding and I need to reach the injured zone.” He located the bleeding gap. It was a visible rupture of skin. He touched it subtly.

“Ah!-“Loki hissed in response.

“Forgive me. Uh, so, you gave birth but decided not to have the perineal cut. That’s why the skin gave up, it broke. Loki, you didn’t ask for it?” Bruce asked.

Loki fell silent.

After a long minute, he raised his voice again. “I was on my own.”

“Jesus.” Bruce felt pity for him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…but, let me heal your wounds, Loki-“

“Please, don’t tell anybody else.” Loki interrupted him.

Bruce stopped. “I won’t. You can trust me in this, and, I gave you my word.” He smiled reassuringly.

“Thanks.” Loki said.

Banner brought his equipment closer. He took a needle and a pair of scissors, some alcohol, a scalpel and gauze. Once he sterilized the needle, he searched for the anesthetic but couldn’t find it. He didn’t have any left.

“Oh no…” Bruce frowned “I forgot to replenish my anesthetic supply. But, I can tell Steve to go get some.”

“No! I mean –It’s fine, I can do it without that thing.” Loki almost shouted.

“Are you sure?” Bruce said.

“I don’t want them asking why you need a sedative.” Loki said.

“Well, I don’t recommend it but, if you want to do it, then it’s ok. Now, let me get you something to bite.” He handed his patient a freshly cleaned towel “Bite as hard as you can, big guy, this is gonna be a long trip.”

Loki rolled the cloth in his hands, trying to distract himself from what was about to happen.

“Ready?” Bruce said while putting the suture thread on the needle.

Loki nodded.

Banner laid on the bed to get a better angle for the surgery. He examined the wound: ripped skin and muscle in a zigzag-like pattern. It would leave a scar if he sutured it like that. He took the scalpel and guided it in Loki’s skin. Like this, it won’t leave any mark on Loki’s body. He made a clean straight cut in Loki’s perineum. He started suturing from there.

Loki felt a burning sensation in his thighs and it became more unbearable every minute. He choked back on his tears and struggled trying to fight the pain.

His breath came in quick short gasps. It hurt deeply.

“Hngg! –Ah!” Loki repressed a scream. He gulped soundly and shuddered continuously.

“Shhh, I’m sorry. I know it hurts, I know. We’re almost done, Loki, just wait a bit longer. I promise.” Bruce tried to lessen Loki’s pain. He hushed him from time to time.

“Plea –se. Hurry.” Loki whimpered.

Bruce nodded. He was almost done. He sutured the wound with precision. He finished and cleaned the now sutured injury and applied some antiseptic on it.

“Hey, hush now. I promised it would be over soon. See? We’re done.” He cleaned Loki’s tears from his face.

 The green-eyed guy sobbed in answer.

Loki still felt that burning feeling.

“You’re a fighter, boy. Not many can deal with a surgery without a sedative. They always pass out. You’re such a special person, a very brave one, indeed.”

Emerald eyes gazed at him.

Bruce smiled. He took some painkillers and antiseptics and gave them to Loki. “You have to take these for a week, twice a day.  And, I’ll tell them not to disturb you for at least three days. You stay in bed, understood?”

“Yes.” Loki said. Bruce gave him a warm smile and directed his gaze to the little blanket roll laying right next to him. The kid was half-way asleep and Loki feared he might cry out in objection for the interruption of his slumber.

It was the utter opposite.

With delicate hands, Bruce Banner uncovered the tiny one and ran a moist towelette over him in order to clean him. His baby boy contemplated the doctor while he checked him all over.

“Has anyone told you how handsome you are, kid?” Bruce had this soothing property in his voice when speaking to Loki’s son. This was topped by the doctor holding the child up and making him laugh. Loki found himself smile like a total dork. This whole scene had left him without words. It had distracted him from the terrible physical pain he was in.

Dr. Banner felt as if he could have been a terrific father. The mental image of him and his baby in arms, rocking the tiny bundle and whispering sweet things to his ear was something he would use to remember that everything was going to be alright. Once he had put the newborn back in his sleeping position he turned to Loki once again with a bright white smile.

“Take care of that little boy of yours. I’ll come next week to see you both again, ok?” Bruce said.

“Sure. Thanks, again.” Loki said.

“You’re very welcome.” Bruce gathered his stuff and left.

 

\---

 

“So?” Bucky asked first.

“He’s staying in bed for at least three days. Don’t disturb him, he gets flustered easily and give him some space.” Bruce commented.

“Did you find where the blood was coming from?” Bucky blurted. He shouldn’t have asked. He wasn’t on his right to ask.

“Buck…” Steve scowled.

“Yeah, sorry. Merely curious.” Bucky apologized.

Bruce chuckled. “Cut on the inner thigh. Nothing serious.” He also said “Take care of him, he’s a _special_ one”

“We will, doc.” Bucky replied.

“So, that’s it. Farewell, guys. And please, stop breaking your bones for at least a few weeks. That’s all I ask.” Banner joked.

“We’ll try, Brucey. Bye-bye.” Bucky laughed.

“Yeah, I just came from Clint’s place. Knife stuck on his left leg. Pretty, I can say. I’ve seen less blood in many horror movies. I found him lying on his cushion like nothing happened. Give me a break; I don’t think you’ll like the other guy attending your wounds.” Bruce said.

Steve chuckled too. “Fine, but that’s not a promise. Thanks, Bruce.”

“See you, Banner” Tasha said from a corner.

“See you, Nat.” Bruce went out their place.

 

\---

 

The next day came with a bunch of busy schedules and several different visits to every store in the city. They wanted to buy the right supplies for the baby and their new guest.

It seemed like Loki had made a very strong bond with his son. He attended all of his needs and never left him alone for too much time. He looked and felt like a real mommy.

That same afternoon Natasha took the shift to look after whatever Loki might need while Barnes and Steve were out. They would come back anytime, though.

He sat in Bucky’s arm chair on his room, resting while the child slept in a tiny nest of pillows along with a blanket Steve gave them with a Captain America pattern.

Tasha stuck her face right in the open door’s frame to check up on those boys. She stared at the scene for about five whole minutes until Loki finally looked at her and said a shy hello.

“You’re both very special, you know?” she was thinking out loud.

Loki smiled at her comment but didn’t respond.

“Also, I wanted to ask you” the assassin paused to actually think what she wanted to say, she hadn’t planned anything, she was just interested in the mere presence of this two new characters.

“Yes?” Loki said.

“Do you have anyone close to you that we can contact? Maybe a friend or a family member; perhaps your parents? They may be worried about you.” Natasha tilted her head in concern but the reaction that her words caused on the man made her regret every single syllable.

It was utter dread. His lips started trembling with fear. His eyes showed distress and panic. Every gesture on his body meant fright.

“No, please!” Loki screamed, “No, please –He _can’t_ find me. Please, don’t let him get near me again. I beg you! I’ll do anything for you but don’t tell him I’m here.” Now he was crying.

“He’ll take my baby away… _again_. Please.” He continued begging.

Natasha came closer to him. She did her best to comfort him. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. I won’t call anybody if you don’t want to. But, tell me of whom you are talking about, Loki.”

He looked at her with teary eyes “My father. H –he’s a demon. I don’t want to see him never again. Please, you have to help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading this silly thing guys! It's our first fic ever. Folks, leave some kudos and comments, we'd love that.  
> Next chapter there's Loki's flashback. He'll remember a bit of his hell.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucky strike. Bonding with Bucky, he is a cutie you want to cuddle 'till he falls asleep. Big new step for Loki and his mini-me.  
> (we're super with summaries)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so... a bit late. Really sorry guys, many stuff to do. We're busy these days. Again, thanks to Satanssin for being our beta. We love you.

The days were starting to get slightly warmer, Loki had started to walk normally again without pouting. He had gained a bit of weight; of course, he was eating and feeling healthier than ever. Bucky, after returning from his morning runs with Steve, would dedicate a couple hours to talk to Loki and teach him how to cook healthy meals for whenever they were not in the house and he got hungry.

Tonight was a special night, Bucky had planned. He had gone out to rent some movies to choose from and watch with the whole gang once they came home from work. He had read Steve’s list of things to catch on and found some films written down: The Lion King, La vita e Bella and Rocky V.  Steve was stocked and slightly offended.

Steve stayed only to watch The Lion King, which he loved and Nat had already watched them so she just sat around and went through her computer.

Bucky sat next to Loki, whose baby was calmly resting in a comfortably big bean bag right next to the couch so the team was pretty much as comfortable as ever and obviously concentrated in the very beginning of “La vita e Bella”. The new good friends rested on each other’s shoulder. Loki was being soothed by Bucky’s calm breathing and vice versa. It felt like heaven to Loki.

 

By the middle of the movie, Loki’s big emerald eyes had finally closed in sweet slumber. Bucky wouldn’t move so he didn’t awake his friend. After half an hour of distraction from the film, the Winter Soldier notices Loki moving, slight spasms in his arm and his legs kicking the other end of the couch.

_This fellow is one hell of a dreamer, he thought._

 

_\---_

 

_He felt a slight squeeze around his right wrist. He heard a tingling sound mixed with white noise. A child crying woke him back up. He could hear the tv distantly in the background. Looking up, he saw the shiny gray of a handcuff on his wrist. A shadow hovered in front of him. His father. He carried the wailing newborn. He wanted to scream. He tried but nothing came out. He saw Laufey, he was taking his baby away from him, again. The pitch black of the room shifted into daylight._

_He was now holding another baby. He looked at the wooden door, the only window; secured with bars. Laufey appeared out of the blue, with a wicked grin in his face._

_“There’s no way out, you fuckface.”_

_The child was in Laufey’s arms now._

_Another one. Gone._

 

_\---_

 

Bucky tried again. Loki was still in deep slumber. He tapped him softly on the cheek. Still nothing. “Loki…” he whispered, “Hey, boy, wake up.”

“Nn –ngh” Loki shivered. He opened his emerald eyes slowly.

“Finally. Boy, are you ok?” Bucky said in a worried tone.

“Uh… Why you say so?” Loki asked.

“You’ve been screaming in your sleep” Bucky said.

Loki went still. A worried frown formed on his porcelain face. _No, I cannot let him know. What did I say while I was asleep. Oh no, you asshole. Why do I have to ruin everything? Why-_

"Hey, you still with me? You seem a bit gone, buddy." Bucky collided with Loki's thoughts.

"Did I say something while I was as-" Loki asked but Bucky didn't let him finish.

"Mm, you were like, actually, scared as fuck. Well, you sounded very frightened, like being chased by your worst nightmare. You gave me chills down my spine." Bucky said.

"But I didn't say anything?" Loki said again.

"Just muffled words, broken sentences but nothing intelligible. Except for... nah, maybe just my imagination." Bucky said nonchalantly.

"No, tell me please. What was it?" Loki needed to know. "Can you remember?"

Bucky looked at him. He was confused. _Why does he want to know it so desperately?_ He tried to remember. "Uh, it was some name... I think.... maybe with S... nope... an L! Yes, I think you said something like Lugy or Lofy. Then you continued shrieking and sobbing. I tried to wake you up several times, but nothing seemed to take you out of your reverie."

“Yeah, Laufey…”He scoffs, trying desperately to create a chill facade even with his hair completely messed up and a hint of drool on his mouth “Parents, you know, sometimes give you bad times” Loki was nervous and praying that the dim lights hid it.

“Nah, man, I didn’t have parents.” Bucky says with an uncomfortable grimace. “I get you, though”

Loki didn’t know what else to say. He was amazed by the control Bucky had over his feelings. He admired that. After ten minutes of staring pointlessly at the blue screen Bucky took up the conversation again.

“Hey, I haven’t asked you what you like. What are your interests and stuff?” He sounded relaxed.

“What I like?” Loki repeated the question to give himself time to think.

“Yeah, what are you into? We’re roommates! We could use this information.”

_Roommates,_ he liked the way it sounded.

“Well…” He crinkled his nose “I’m a sucker for books. I didn’t have many, but I would reread them all over again.” Loki looked at Bucky checking if he was actually listening, and Bucky definitely was. He looked rather like a puppy paying attention to his human.

“I also like classical music, my momma would play it for me when I was a kid. I’m open to other music, though, I just…”

_Wasn’t allowed to live a normal life?_

“Haven’t looked yet” Bucky completed. Loki nodded.

“You know who else is a damn bookworm?” Loki was clueless “Steve. That punk has piles among piles of books in his closet. Hundreds! And he keeps them real clean.” The blue eyed man chuckles. “I’m more of a movie guy; video games are also this beautiful thing that I’m proud enough to call a vice.”

“I can feel the pride” They burst out laughing. They felt comfortable with each other, even when they knew little to nothing about the other one. It was like silent acknowledgement.

At least now Loki had someone who he could call _friend._ It sounded and felt so nice to have one. Bucky made him forget his problems just with his chattering. He smiled honestly at Bucky. He hadn’t felt that happy and relieved in so long. They spent the rest of the evening together. Bucky showed Loki his collection of games and movies. He talked so excitedly of every film he showed to the younger man. His eyes full of wonder. “Well, I can keep up with the world now. Not like Stevey, that punk has a long way to go yet.” He smiled with pride.

Loki didn’t understand. “Why do you need to do so?” He asked innocently.

“Let’s say I come from another time period.” Bucky said.

“What- are you a dinosaur now?” Loki joked.

“Kinda. I’m 95” Bucky said.

“You’re joking, right?” Loki chuckled nervously. “That can’t be possible because of-“

Bucky cut him. “Of how I look? Yeah, those beauty products help a lot with the aging marks.” He smiled. “Then you won’t believe Steve is 95 too.”

Loki looked at him. He frowned. He folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. Was Bucky making a fool of him?

Bucky chuckled. “Yeah, I knew you won’t believe me. Do you want to hear a story?”

Loki tilted his head lightly to the right. He nodded. He wanted an explanation for Bucky’s nonsense.

“Ok… –Bucky caught his breath- … Long time ago, there were two friends. They both were alone, no family, no other friends; just the two of them. They protected each other, they played together and they also had their fights. But they stood together, no matter what happened, they would be side by side, always. When they grew up, one of them joined the army. War was upon them and it came closer every day. But he didn’t want to leave his friend on his own. The other boy wanted the same, so he tried to join the army. However, every time he tried to do so, he was neglected.” Bucky sighed.

“Why was he neglected?” Loki said with interest.

The winter soldier looked at him. “Because he was a small boy, they said he didn’t have a strong frame. Anyway, sometimes miracles happen and somehow he managed to get in the army. He was mocked because of his size, but that didn’t bother him. He had a strong spirit and he wouldn’t give up. He became stronger and a wonderful man. He became America’s Golden Boy. His friend couldn’t believe it. He was happy, verily. They both went to war and stood side by side, they fought together and they felt invincible when they were side by side. Until that last time…” Bucky’s voice wrecked a little.

“What happened?” Loki whispered.

Bucky stared at the floor, gaze lost in his memories. “There was this important fight; they were going to capture the leader of Hydra. They both went but just one of them came back. He fell from a train.” Bucky gulped the knot on his throat. He could recall it perfectly. After he got his memories back, he remembered almost everything from his past life. It still hurt him seeing Steve screaming his name while he fell. Tears stung his eyes; he blinked to get rid of them.

“What… no.” Loki felt silent.

“Ever heard of cryogenic storage?” Bucky changed the subject.

“No.” Loki said.

“Leave something or someone in a lethargic state, but in a freezer.” Bucky said dryly. “That’s how he woke up, the one who fell. In a dark, lonely place, without his memories and, the worst part, without his beloved friend. He found himself in another time, confused, not knowing who he was. He was lost. He would’ve preferred to die than waking up like that.”

Now Loki was tying the knots. Now he understood, partially, what Bucky meant. “Bucky… that’s Steve and you, right?”

“You’re fast, kiddo” Bucky said with a sad smile on his face.

“But I don’t understand completely.” Loki said, still confused.

“Don’t worry, maybe another day I’ll tell you the rest” Bucky sighed.

“What happened to your arm?” Loki tried. “When you fell, you…”

“Yep and they replaced it with this guy.” Bucky glanced at his left arm. “I’m accustomed to it. Kind of fun, now.” He stared at Loki. “Fine, I’ll tell you a bit more because you seem very interested.”

Loki smiled.

“Well, they made me a killer. I was their weapon. They used me to kill every target they wanted. Who? You might be asking. Hydra. Those bastards destroyed everything I was.” Bucky’s voice was full of hate. “After all, it helped me. Steve and I met again, this time as enemies. I didn’t remember him and he didn’t know about me. But he saved me. He made me escape from the darkness.” Bucky smiled brightly. Thinking about Steve filled his heart with joy.

Loki chuckled softly. “Bucky, you’re smiling like an idiot”

Bucky’s cheeks flushed red. “Sorry.”

“You love him very much. I can see that, even when you speak about him. You describe him with such pride.” Loki had a hint of a smile on his face.

“Yeah, but, don’t tell him. I have too big of an ego and I don’t wanna be mocked” Bucky’s reddened face went a shade darker. He looked at Loki with huge puppy eyes. He pleaded him with his stare.

“Sure.” They both laughed softly. Five minutes later Bucky was yawning like a bear.

“Shit, what time is it?” The clock indicated it was one in the morning. They headed to their beds without hesitation. Half an inch from turning off the lights –

“ I’m still here, you know.” The Winter Soldier jumped out of his skin. “Also, remember we have to go back to the Avengers Tower next week.” Natasha Romanoff was still sitting down typing on her computer almost completely silent. The two men didn’t even notice her.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Nat! Thank you for reminding me by giving me a fucking heart attack.” Bucky rubbed his neck with fatigue.

Loki’s mind, previously blurred by exhaustion was now alert, his eyes widened with the surprise of the news.

 


	7. Apology to the reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY TO ALL OF YOU GUYS. I MEAN IT.

I know it's been almost a year without a single chapter but I haven't left this behind. I want to continue writing this so much you can't even imagine how bad it hurts me when I can't get a single paragraph done.

I can't promise how fast will be the next update or so but I DO PROMISE that the next chapter is almost done. 

I repeat: I HAVEN'T ABANDONED THIS FIC. I'm not even considering the possibility of that. Last year has been a nightmare, I didn't have enough time for anything not even for myself. But gahh, I'm giving my best for this lovely thing I didn't know it could have more than 3000+ hits. 

I'm really sorry guys, thanks for staying and for all the sweet comments you've left (I try to read and answer most of them!).

Once again, thanks for reading and staying with me even when I don't do much! *sobs in silence*


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries. 
> 
> Bucky is very convincing when he wants to.  
> The whole gang plus someone go on a trip to the Avengers Tower.
> 
> I tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally updated! YAY!! I'm still sorry for the delay, guys. I'm slow, that's all I have to say.  
> Thanks to SatansSin for being my beta!

Oh hell no, Loki doesn’t want to leave this place yet. He’s never felt comfortable around people and even less when that said people are in a new and unknown place.  Maybe it’s because he wasn’t able to go outside –no, able isn’t the right word, _trapped_ is-. He was confined to stay in that shitty apartment with cracked walls and disarrayed furniture, if that could be called furniture. He had to stay most of his life in that inhuman place with the monster he had as father.  Loki couldn’t even go for a walk because his father never allowed him to go outside, he tried to be charming and a good boy to at least get his permission to buy some bread in the next street store but it never worked. When Laufey noticed what he was trying to do, he always got beaten and hurtful words followed from Laufey’s mouth.

_Hey, lil’ bitch. Don’t you even think for a minute that you’re smarter than me. You’re not running away from me and you want to know why? Because you’re my whore and you belong to me._

_But dad, I just want to buy some bread for tomorrow morning-_

_A loud slap cut the air and a huge red mark appeared on Loki’s right cheek. A tear followed the sinful trace of brutality._

_Don’t you dare to cry, stupid boy! You made me do this!_

Loki didn’t notice he’d started panting under his breath. His eyes felt wet. He lied down on his belly onto the mattress and breathed profusely. _Fuck, I have to calm down_. He jumped out of his skin when he felt a cold hand touching his left shoulder.

“Shit, sorry Loki.” Bucky let his metallic arm fall down. “Never meant to scare you”, he sat next to the skinnier man and sighed loud enough for Loki to hear. “Hey, are you feeling alright, ‘cus you haven’t said a word in these two days and what the hell why are you crying?” Bucky ran with his words when he saw his friend’s wet and reddened eyes.

“What? Nothing really, I’m just fine.” Loki sighed.

“I don’t think those tears mean _Hey, I’m super and want to hug everybody!_ Come on, this is because of the Avengers Tower travel, isn’t it? Don’t you dare to lie to me, Lokes.” Bucky said encouragingly but worried. He’d seen Loki much happier these days and this sudden meltdown didn’t feel right. “You don’t want to go, right?”

Loki looked into Bucky’s blue eyes. They had a little frown that made him look funny. But yeah, Bucky was right. He didn’t want to go; he didn’t feel safe going outside. He feared his father might find him and drag him again to his dark past. He thought Bucky could sense his dread.

“It’s alright, I know the feeling. I didn’t want to go the first time Steve told me, but you know what he said? He said he won’t leave alone and if something happened, he was going to be there and rescue me. Sounds like I’m a damsel in distress.” He chuckled. “Never mind, I promise you I won’t leave you alone if you promise me you’ll leave that long face behind and you’ll give me your best smile.”

Bucky knew how to convince people. Loki nodded yes and chuckled softly.

“That’s what I wanted to hear.”

 

 

Breakfast was silent. Utterly, painfully silent. Steve noticed first, the apartment hadn’t been like that in weeks, if not months. Maybe Loki was up all night trying to get the baby to sleep or something. Bucky was already in the kitchen with a steaming mug between his hands. You could still listen to the sound of the keys in Natasha’s computer, eyes locked on the screen. Loki’s room was silent, the door was shut. Steve blamed it on the cold of the mornings, sometimes it even kept his super soldier self in bed.

Loki came out of the room when they were already finishing their meals. They had to get going, today was going to be sort of a busy day, Loki would understand. The Winter Soldier and America’s Golden Boy left the scene with Loki drinking his daily coffee and Natasha cleaning her “home-friendly” revolver. She left one hour later, gave a kiss on the child’s forehead and waved Loki goodbye.

Loki had had the house all to himself before, only now, he felt free to move around it as he pleased. His child rested in his little crib while he organized all of the things his generous friends had given him. He didn’t want to think about last night’s news so he kept himself busy with that, then reading some of the books Steve lent him.

Noon arrived in no time. He had to breastfeed, so he grabbed the love of his life and sat down, shirtless, stomach covered by the baby’s blanket. Loki smiled at the happy sounds his son made when he was being fed. It soothed him. He was in his happy bubble.

 

“Radio says speed it up, I just go slower…” The door shut closed and a dancing man with earplugs on was now in the living room, facing him with closed eyes. Loki quickly covered his child and chest with the big blanket, he wasn’t panicking but he really needed an explanation.

He just stared.

“Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor!”

Now the guy moved his hips in front of him without regret. He’d to admit that those were great moves. He kept singing loudly.

“Oh yeah baby, he just wants to fuuuc- Hey, haven’t noticed you there.” He stopped his frenetic dance. “Hey, I’m Sam. Nice to meet you and oh that babe is so tiny he fits in my right hand!” He said with cheerfulness and a huge smile crossed his handsome face. “Hey there handsome” Sam looked down at the little bundle. Loki covered himself even more in embarrassment.

“Are you Steve’s friend or something?” Loki said without making eye contact.

“No, I’m here to rob you, but hey at least you didn’t assume that!”

 Loki wasn’t too moved by the joke, he was still confused.

 “Forget, lil guy. So, you are?” Sam tried to make small talk because the situation felt a bit awkward.

“Loki…Uh, I’m Steve’s friend too.” He answered, a bit of shyness in his voice.  

“I think I’ve heard a thing or two about you before, nice to meet you, bud” the veteran provided a warm smile to his newly met acquaintance, he knew little to nothing about Loki but he didn’t need to, it was none of his business after all and he respected that fact. What he had to know is that this boy needed comfort and love, no trouble.

“So, you’re coming with us?” Loki asked innocently.

“To the Avengers Tower? I thought you were the one who wanted to stay.” Sam reached for his green leather jacket and headed to the door. “What are you waiting for? They’re already outside.” He left the door open and ran downstairs so he could get Bucky before Loki changed his mind. “Some fresh air will make him better.”

Bucky helped take all the baby’s essentials to the car’s trunk, it didn’t take as much space as expected and luckily the Tower had provided a big enough vehicle for everyone to be comfortable enough, it was a rather family type of trip for the sole reason that they had two new members and the usual drill would come off as rather stressful and the whole team seemed to be down for the drive.

With everything in position and ready to go, they took their seats inside the van. Bucky helped Loki with the baby, the creature was small yet for a baby seat, so he would be in his mother’s arms for the entire trip. Loki sat behind the copilot’s seat, Steve next to him and Natasha besides the blonde. Bucky took the copilot’s seat and Sam would drive for the next five hours’ tour.

“Hold onto your butts, fellas” Sam started the car and everyone got pressed against their car seats.

  
“ДЕРЬМО” Natasha hissed.

 

\---

 

Loud pop music came from the van’s radio. Beyoncé’s melody intoned from the loudspeakers and Bucky sang along with her. “Radio says speed it up, I just got slow… I like trouble-“

“You’re going to get trouble if you keep singing, Buck” Steve was reasonably annoyed. He knew Bucky was singing on purpose. Sam followed Bucky just to make sure Steve would be annoyed for the rest of the trip.

“Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor!” Sam sang out loud for everyone to hear. Bucky even danced along, or that’s what he intended to do.

“For God’s sake…” Steve sighed. He massaged his scalp in irritation; he turned his head to look at Bucky, his boyfriend smiled like a dork when he knew he was annoying him. “Ok, Buck, you win this time if that’s what you want to prove…”

“I want you to swear, at least just once” Bucky grinned madly.

Steve gulped air down his throat. Bucky looked so seductive when he smiled like a bad folk.

“Guys, stop the sexual tension right there. We have guests, you know” Natasha looked eye-weary. She had to deal with this stuff every day so if they could stop for 5 hours, that would make her some good. “Gimme a break, men”

“Great thing I didn’t accept living with them when they asked!” Sam sighed in relief. Better to stay away from his horny friends. “Hey, we’re scaring Loki” Sam reminded them.

“I’m fine, I just feel a bit numb” Loki replied with a soft voice and yawned.

“See? Your mental powers are making effect on him, poor Loki” Sam loved annoying Steve for a while.

The blonde sighed “Yeah, whatever”

“Hey, Flag weaver, why don’t you offer Loki your shoulder? Don’t you see he is falling asleep?” Natasha said and rolled down the window to let some air in. Today felt warmer than the rest of the week and Natasha was tired of listening to her friends.

“Oooow, Nat wins this time. That gotta hurt, _Flag weaver_ ” Bucky said merrily and sat like a normal person would and not with his ass in the air like a few minutes ago.

Steve chuckled and Natasha smirked. “Where did you heard that, Nat?” Steve asked.

“Not saying” She closed her eyes and didn’t say another word.

Loki smiled shyly. They were fun and he felt comfortable around them, he liked his friends. They were his first real friends. He recalled his father, never allowing him going outside and even less make friends. He was always confined to his house, to his dark room with no more than an old bloody bed that smelled like dead corpses and a single creaky shelf that stored medical equipment. Loki shivered at the memory, he felt exposed all over again, so attacked and vulnerable. He didn’t notice the sob that escaped his thin lips until Natasha took his hand in hers and pressed it lightly against Steve’s leg in a soothing gesture.

“Shush your mind. Don’t let it play tricks on you.” She said so precisely it mortified Loki for a second. Like she understood what was going through him at that moment. He gave her a confused look but nodded in response. She gave him a tiny reassuring smile and didn’t let go of his hand for the rest of the road trip. She left his hand once just to let Steve carry the baby in his arms to let Loki sleep in a more comfortable position. 

 

 

 “Hey, hey… Lokes. Wake up!”, Bucky tried waking him up again for the third time. “Come on, you want me to carry you, right? Not gonna happen, sir. Not falling for that today.”

Loki shrugged and barely opened his eyes. The light hurt his retinas like fire. “Where…”, he mumbled with a raspy voice from sleeping a bit too much.

 “Avengers tower already. Come on, let me help you out, you seem like you can barely move a toe.” Bucky waited until Loki stretched like a cat. He was getting accustomed to the light.

“Ready? Take my hand so we can start” Loki took it and he was out of the van in a split second. “Don’t worry. Not leaving you alone at any time” Bucky reassured Loki one more time. “Whenever you’re ready”

He nodded. Loki felt ready. For the first time in his life he felt confident enough to go on. “Ok, let’s go”.

 

 

“Sup, fellas. Seems like you already married and had a baby if that’s what I think that bundle is” Clint got down from his nest and reached out to greet them back.

“So sorry you weren’t invited to the wedding, Barton. But I was” Sam winked at Clint with mockery and they both laughed and clasped hands with each other. “Nice to see you again, Legolas”

“Same, bird bro.” They all chuckled. “So… who’s this not so little guy right here, huh? I’m Clint Barton, by the way. Nice to meet you.” He gave him his hand.

“This guy’s a new friend, he’s Loki and he’s been living with us for the last month.” Bucky responded.

“Hi and that’s my baby… Nice to meet you too…” He felt awkward, he’d never shaken hands before with another person. He never had the chance back in time. His social skills were the worst right now.

“Oh, that’s a long story that I suppose has a shorter version, right?” Clint asked nonchalantly. He expected they would explain that to him another day with all details included.

Steve breathed a laugh. “Sure, but not today. We wanted to show him the tower because we thought he would like some new and fresh air”

“And because Fury called. He said there was business to attend” Natasha walked past the lobby and into the main hall. She left the baby’s stuff on the furniture and disappeared into the next room.

“Always so sneaky and mysterious. We just came here and she’s already leaving” Sam complained but they ignored him.

“Come, let’s show you the rest of this thing that Stark calls his baby. One of his many ‘babies’ ” Clint rolled his eyes while saying so. They followed him like they haven’t been inside before.

“Who’s Stark?” Loki whispered to Bucky. “A guy who claims himself a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. But don’t worry about him now. We’ll see him later, I hope so” Bucky chuckled and smiled to Loki.

Every five seconds or so, Loki’s eyes got bigger and bigger with amusement. He looked everywhere, trying to remember every single detail of the architectural prowess. He’d never seen so much technology in a single place. It surrounded every corner, every wall. He felt thrilled. Loki barely breathed; excitement flooded his veins at the moment.

“It’s beautiful” Those two words were the only thing in Loki’s head right now.

“Yeah, you’ve been saying that since we crossed the lobby, after we arrived at the main Hall, when we got to the labs-“ Bucky could go on but decided not to.

“What else can I say? I’ve never seen that much technology in my entire life and in a single place at the same time!” Loki was enjoying this farther than anyone else’s expectations.

“ _I’m glad you like it, Sir”_ a cybernetic voice from atop responded politely.  

“Who said that?!” Loki’s grip tightened around Bucky’s hand.

“Damn it, Jarvis. Stop doing that, you’re gonna give our guest a heart attack” Clint said.

“ _It was never my intention, Sir. My apologies to our new guest”_ Jarvis responded with that charming voice of him.

“Who’s Jarvis?” Loki asked; the frown in his face made him look funny.

 _“I am, Sir. My name is Jarvis. I am the AI of the Avengers Tower. Call me anytime you need my assistance”_ the cybernetic voice stopped talking again.

“What’s an AI?”

“ _Artificial Intelligence, Sir. I am the assistant of the tower. I keep everything in motion and from malfunctioning”_

“Oh, well, nice to meet… _you?_ ” Loki felt weird talking to someone that wasn’t actually there. It was awkward.

“ _Nice to meet you too, Sir. May I recall your name, please?”_

“Loki?”

“ _Thanks, Loki.”_ Jarvis continued “ _If you are looking for Mr. Stark, he’s in the main living room at the moment. Do you want me to make him aware of your presence?”_

“Nah, Jarvis. You’ll ruin the surprise” Bucky mocked.

“ _I’m sorry, Sir”_

“It’s a joke, Jarv. But don’t tell him anyway”

“ _Alright, Sir. Anything else I can do for you?”_

“No thanks, Jarv”

“ _You’re welcome, Sir”_

“I’ve told you a thousand times to call me Bucky, Jarvis”

“ _I’m sorry, Sir. It’s protocol”_

“Stop arguing with Jarvis, Buck. I don’t know how he doesn’t lose his patience” Steve joked.  

“ _I’m artificial, Sir. I am not capable of feeling neither emotion nor sentiment.”_

“We know, Jarv. Just go somewhere else” Clint was bored to the core. “Can we just go on, kids? The trip’s not over yet. Thanks again Jarvis but you’re free to go now”

“ _Thanks, Sir”_ Jarvis went off.

“Now, let’s scare Stark” Clint went first into the main living room, making no sound with every footstep he took.

“You know I’ve got sensors in every door, right?” Tony Stark turned around to find a disappointed Clint a few inches away from him. He sipped his drink empty and tossed the glass away. “Come on Barton, don’t give me that grumpy cat face –“ He trailed off. Tony’s eyes were captured by something more interesting to look at – someone, to be precise. He didn’t have to think twice to approach the slim guy standing next to Bucky. “Hello, Anthony Stark at your service” He took the guy’s hand in his and shook it gently.

Loki nodded and introduced himself “I’m Loki”

“Beautiful name, indeed”

“Uh, thank you” Loki felt awkward again.

Tony smirked at Loki.

“Stop being a flirt, Stark. He’s just a boy.” Steve never liked Tony’s flirtatious intents with anybody.

Tony chuckled. “I’m being _courteous,_ Steve” He returned to the bar and poured himself another drink. “Anybody else want one? Maybe you would use one, _Loki_ ” Tony liked how it sounded in his lips.

“He’s a boy, Anthony” Steve continued.

“He’s old enough to choose for himself, Steve. Don’t listen to him; it’s up to you, Loki”

Loki was getting annoyed. He bit his lower lip in anxiousness. He grasped Bucky’s hand to get his attention back to him and Bucky winked in response.

“Guys, stop please. Why don’t you give each other a hug?” Bucky tried his best.

“Hold your golden retriever back, Buck. He might bite me!” Tony laughed and approached them again. “Why don’t we sit, please” He offered them the couch next to the coffee table.

 “Thanks for the offer but we have many things left to show Loki around the tower. Maybe we can sit back at noon, Stark” Steve wasn’t angry with Tony, he was just annoyed by his behavior.  He turned around and cocked his head to the right, telling them to follow him out to the corridors.

“Hey, but who’s better to show him all the marvelous tech stuff than _Me?_ ” Tony smirked.

“I have it covered, Tony” Steve raised his voice from inside the corridor.

“Just tell me you don’t want me there!”

“Ok, I don’t want you here. Thanks”

“That wasn’t so difficult, Stevey and thanks for your sincerity!” Tony could hear Steve’s sigh from his position. He liked getting the nerves of the supersoldier.

 

\---

 

Bucky didn’t know if Loki would get eventually tired of walking and going up and down around the Tower. He would seriously use some rest right now but he was sure Loki wouldn’t stay put. He ran his free hand on his hair, trying to comb the wild bangs out of his face. His boots felt heavy on him and his feet felt sore. He groaned when he shook his shoulders to free the tension gathering in his body and soul.

It seemed like Loki noticed his distress or he got tired enough to stop his trip for a little while because he stopped walking. His baby had started wriggling in his arm, the child wailed and kicked his chubby legs in hunger.

Bucky wasn’t the only one complaining.

“Shh, it’s alright my boy. I know, shh” Loki cooed his child; he kissed his scalp and caressed his hands. “He wants his meal. It’s past the time he eats every day. Can we rest for now? I really need to feed him before he gets grumpier”

“Sure, let’s go” Clint took them to a secondary living room.

Bucky was so glad that they would be able to rest, at least for five minutes. He crashed onto the biggest couch and stretched and groaned like he hadn’t done in weeks. “God, I thought I wouldn’t rest my ass for a second!” He cuddled himself up with a few cushions around him and sighed in relief.  “So comfy and fluffy”

Steve went to the bar and served Clint and himself two glasses of water. “I feel like a desert on the inside”

“Cheers to that, man” Clint gulped his glass in less than ten seconds.

They felt like they’ve been on a mission (without the bullets and violence). Now they knew that Loki didn’t get tired so easily of something he encountered fascinating.

Then Steve remembered that they hadn’t shown Loki their special spot in the Tower. “I think there’s a better place for you to do the nursing, Loki”

Loki was still on his feet. He looked at Bucky –the messy ball of cushions- waiting for an answer to Steve’s idea.

Bucky looked back. _Not a bad idea, not at all._ He understood Steve’s plans. “Sure, go ahead. I don’t think I’ll be able to walk right now. Give me five minutes.”

“Do you want me to carry you, Princess?” Steve offered him his hand.

“How funny, Rogers. You’re just jealous of my hair because it looks amazing.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s legs in a swift movement and dragged him to the floor. He took Loki’s hand and yelled _Run!_

They sprinted to Steve’s room in the Tower. Bucky was not so far behind them.

Loki clutched his baby to his chest. He was running as soft as he could trying to not disturb his child. He was worried but he was laughing and smiling. He felt happy.

Steve reached the door and let Loki in first. He followed and panted to catch his breath.

Bucky sprinted right before the door closed and tackled a surprised Steve to the floor. “Damn-“

They brawled like children. Bucky sat on top of Steve and pinned him down. His left hand grabbed Steve’s wrists. “So, you were calling me what? Princess?”

Steve smiled. He tried to free himself but Bucky’s metallic arm didn’t let go.

Bucky leaned closer. His nose bumped onto Steve’s and he bit his boyfriend’s bottom lip. Steve kissed him back.

Loki looked for a while, he was curious about love, about interacting with others in a caring manner. He observed the way Steve touched Bucky’s hair, his fingers tangled with his brown locks. How Bucky’s hands caressed Steve’s torso; slow and teasing. 

Then he realized he’d been staring for too long. He blushed and continued breastfeeding his baby in silence.

Bucky’s kisses grew hungrier and greedier. He caressed Steve’s muscular chest and abs under his shirt, sensing every bit of skin. Steve cradled his neck and rubbed the back of Bucky’s head with his fingertips in a circling motion.

Bucky licked Steve's warm lips, he loved how soft and full his bottom lip felt against his own mouth. He lingered there, tilting his head to reach a better angle. He enjoyed it. He kissed Steve passionately in a slow motion. His lips darted everywhere, never leaving Steve’s face.

The blonde sighed into his lover’s mouth. He caressed the other’s jaw, holding him there. Bucky tasted so nice inside his mouth. His pouty lips were a gift from heaven. He teased Bucky’s lips, wanting to push his tongue past them and he moaned softly when Bucky let him. Steve hugged him and kissed back.

The baby wailed and the horny couple came back to reality.

“Shit, we are sorry” Bucky apologized immediately.

“It’s fine. I wasn’t paying attention to you, anyway” Loki lied. He hid his blushing face from them while cooing his baby.

Steve had lost his manners. He nodded to whatever Bucky was saying. He felt so ashamed.

Bucky moved away. He stood, refreshed his hair with one hand and walked to Loki. He sat there in silence, watching the small child fall asleep.  He smiled to himself and sighed. Damn, he may have looked like a horny teenager to Loki.  “I’m sorry, for real. I swear I’m not like that when I’m around him” He pointed to Steve.

“He’s far worse, Loki. Believe me.”

Loki laughed. “I can’t argue because I don’t know”

“You better don’t, my friend” Steve chuckled.

“That’s blackmailing, _Captain.”_

Steve ignored Bucky and went to the bathroom. Bucky watched him leave with a smirk on his face. He turned his attention to the baby. “Hi handsome. You look so comfy right there in your momma’s arms”

Loki looked at Bucky. He smiled softly. “I hope he is.”

“Have you thought of a name yet? I’ll call him handsome because look at him.”

Loki then realized it. He hadn’t thought of it before because he never had the chance to name his children before. They never stayed for long enough. His eyes stung. He’d started crying without noticing. It always hurt thinking about his other babies.

“Oh damn, what did I say now? Lokes, I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I did, but please, don’t cry” Bucky said.

“’I’m fine, don’t worry. I really am” the younger man sobbed. Loki rubbed his eyes clean. “But I haven’t thought of a name for him yet.”

Bucky took his hand on his. “Do you want my help?” He stared into Loki’s green eyes.

Loki nodded and thanked him.

“Hey Jarv, would you give us a hand with baby names?” Bucky asked.

“ _Of course. Neutral, female or male names, Sir?”_

“Neutral will be fine. Uh, would you look up for Norse names, please?” Loki said.

“ _Sure Sir”_

“Thanks, Jarv” Bucky said.

“ _Research completed Sir. Do you want them by meaning and alphabetically in a list, or two different lists?”_

“By meaning it’s better. Thanks Jarvis” Loki said.

“ _You’re welcome Sir”_

 

When Steve got out of the shower he was surrounded by holographic screens. “Guys, what is this?”

“Technology, grandpa” Bucky said and continued reading the screens.

“We are the same age”

“You’re way more old-fashioned than I am and these things are a name list. We’re doing our research.”

“So you’re about to name the baby without me” Steve pouted.

“Shut up and help us”

Steve started reading aloud.

 

 

Half an hour had passed since they started reading when they fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ДЕРЬМО: Shit in Russian, roughly translated. I don't speak russian, not a bit.
> 
> Who can tell me the lil reference I used from one of my fav movies??? It's somewhere at the beginning. So specific.


	9. I really want to update this fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigh, I'm really trying so hard to get a hold of this again.

Hey there fellow readers (if you are still there of course) I really really REALLY APOLOGIZE for not updating this fic in almost a year. Damn, I've been trying so hard you don't even know, because I adore this story so much you have no idea, I really have most of the actual plot figured out but HELL, life sucks you dry and words don't come as they should. And here we are, struggling with something that is meant to be fun and entertaining. I am really sorry guys, so so sorry for not updating this in so long, not even a single word from me. Gah, I can't promise anything at this point but I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you if you're still sticking around because that gives me hope. I love you and thanks to you who have stayed with me even when I haven't been writing shit.


	10. Chapter 9: Trapped inside the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally got myself to write again! Thanks for the comforting words, my fellow readers, they were very helpful. You made me feel all fuzzy :D
> 
> Brief stayings in The Avengers Tower.
> 
>  
> 
> ****Content warning: physical abuse, past torture. Beware if this triggers you.****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SatansSin for being my beta. I love her a lot.
> 
> In this chapter there are some markings to take into account:
> 
>  
> 
> _««Text inside this markings means a character's POV of a past event.»» ___  
>  _Italics are past events in form of dreams. ___  
> 

 

 

Loki had started daydreaming about his child’s name. He wasn’t paying attention to the list Bucky had showed him. He remembered a children’s book he’d read long ago, one of the few things he could recall happily from his childhood. He smiled to himself, at least the thought made him happy. It was a pure memory, untouched by the upturns of his miserable life.  He didn’t recall the storyline but he remembered the characters. The main character’s name was Inuk, a young boy who lived with an old shelter dog in the middle of London streets. The dog was like a guardian angel for the boy, they were inseparable and had many adventures an orphan boy would never really have. Ah, the pity for himself again. He stopped his dark thoughts before they clouded his weak mind again. He wouldn’t ruin this happy memory, not for the sake of his baby. 

He sighed aloud and snuggled against Bucky’s chest. He would tell him later about this but now he was too tired to fight sleep.

 

\---

 

Steve stopped reading aloud when he realized Loki wasn’t really paying attention anymore. He’d made himself a tight ball on Bucky’s chest and rapidly fell asleep on him. Bucky looked at Steve with a tiny expression of surprise in his face. Loki had become more confident during the time he’d begun staying with them and it started showing in small acts like this one right now. 

Cuddling without thinking too much about it, not hesitating, not giving in afterthoughts if it’s wrong or right.  The guy was a work in progress and he had so much to recover through time. It soothed Steve’s mind, Loki’s eyes reflected so much suffering and constricted pain sometimes it hurt to look at him and not feel sorry about his tortured soul. He hid so much on such a fragile body. 

Steve laid next to Bucky, taking him by the waist and pulling him closer to himself. He trapped his boyfriend with his legs, forcing him to be the little spoon. Bucky muttered I hate you without meaning it and huffed in protest, not being able to move from both sides. Bucky hugged Loki, his way of protesting a cute one. Steve’s warm breath brushed his neck. He left two kisses there before closing his eyes. 

A silent group of breathing could be faintly heard when Jarvis turned the lights off. 

 

\---

_«« Loki’s POV»»_

_«« I hate you so much._

_I HATE YOU._

_You make my life miserable and I don’t know how to stop it. You hurt me in every way possible and unimaginable. You don’t know what I go through, abusive brute._

_Ever since she died you couldn’t handle it. You still don’t know what to do with me, so you grab me as hard as you can and I struggle but I can never get you off me. I succumb to your madness. You hit me until I can barely breathe, every punch may be the last, and then you stop abruptly and you drag me like a rag doll around the floor, my scalp hurts from your pulling but I can barely move and I cry because I know what’s going to come._

_And I can’t stop it.»»_

 

_Loki breaks every time he thinks about Laufey._

_Everything hurts in his body. He can barely see. Loki thinks he has one eye swollen or it is too dark to look at anything._

_A chain clatters somewhere not far away from him. He stirs a little but he can’t move his neck. Loki panics and his breath hitches, he tries  reaching for his neck but his arms are numb. He shakes his hands and— there’s the chain again._

_Loki is attached to the bed._

_He can’t move, his legs are strapped and parted and he can’t see a thing. Loki shudders in silence but a sob escapes from his lips._

_Helpless again. Loki wishes he could die but He won’t let it happen. He needs him desperately._

_Anxiety it’s overtaking Loki. He can’t breath properly._

_Cold hands reach for Loki’s naked legs and he screams in dread, Loki tries to kick Laufey but his movement is limited. He gasps and swallows gulps of breath. “G—get... aw— away”_

_He caresses Loki’s thighs and he gags in response. Hot tears slide down his cheeks._

_“You have no word here" He warns Loki._

_“Please, I—”_

_“YOU HAVE NO WORD HERE, LITTLE CUNT WHORE! I AM— Laufey’s trying to collect himself— I am your father and while you’re here you DO as I say. But it’s not like you can escape from me, sweet Loki”_

_His breath is hot against Loki’s face. He leans in closer and licks his swollen cheek. Loki turns around a little but it’s vain. Laufey licks his tears with a sickening wet sound and Loki’s grip gets tighter around the shackles. He wants to die._

_That’s when Loki feels it. He’s fingering him._

_“M—make it stop" It comes out as a weak plea. Loki cries harder._

_“Oh please, Loki, we both know how much you enjoy it"_

_And he just follows along because there’s nothing he could do._

\---

 

“Hey buddy,” Bucky nudged Loki a few times “Wake up buddy" It wasn’t working. He felt wetness on his chest and thought Loki was drooling, until he saw his tear stained face and a tight expression of dread in his features.

“Come on buddy, wake up" He whispered to Loki but he remained in a tight knot curled against Bucky.

He then tried to wake up Steve. He kicked his feet against his calves. Steve stirred against him but didn’t wake.

“Fuck" Bucky sighed. Loki started to whimper, his breath quickening. Bucky tried again, but Loki’s dream stage was deeper than he thought. The boy couldn’t let go.

Loki shivered constantly. Still in a tight knot, he wailed and sobbed.

Bucky was trapped between the two bodies, he swore aloud and kicked Steve again, this time he made sure Steve would feel it. 

And he did.

“GREAT LORD, BUCK. WHAT THE—"

“Shut up and help me. The kid is having a crisis and I can’t wake him up yet" Bucky’s tone was severe and demanding.

Loki cried louder, his face retorting in pain. 

The baby started whimpering, the noise waking him up almost instantly.

“Loki, come on, nothing is happening. Fight it, buddy" Bucky shook him a few times but got no response. He looked at Steve with pleading eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll calm him down. Focus on Loki"

“Buddy, please, wake up. It’s me, Bucky. Squeeze my hand if you hear me, I want to help you buddy, just squeeze my hand"

Loki did. 

Bucky exhales a long sigh. He’s reached Loki at least. “Ok, buddy, listen to my voice. Focus on it. We’re right here, I’m not leaving you, Loki"

Bucky keeps talking to him. Loki’s breath starts slowing down, his body releases the tension and he cracks open his eyes.

Loki’s free hand grabs at Bucky’s shirt and he gulps down air into his lungs. He’s trembling. 

“Oh, buddy. I’ve got you, I’ve got you. It’s okay" He hugs Loki’s shaking body. 

Loki cries until he’s wasted. He stays in Bucky’s arms.

“Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps releasing the tension" Bucky soothes Loki as best as he can.

Loki shakes his head. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

Steve comes with a glass of water and gives it to Loki. “This might help" 

He just nods and sips in short gulps.

Bucky rubs his back in soothing circles. “Maybe you want to take a bath? That soothes me when I’m feeling down”

“I might do that" Loki croaks weakly.

Bucky holds him for a while longer, they stand up and he helps Loki with the bath functions. He comes out and closes the door for Loki.

Bucky leans against the wall and groans.

“I can relate to him. I’ve been there for so long" Bucky covered his face with his hands.

“I know, Buck. We went through that period together" They both still recall those days and nights. “You did great. You could take him out of his dark place" 

“I know how it feels being there, without help" 

Steve comes next to him, baby still in his arms. He kisses Bucky in the lips. He smiles back.

He looks at the baby, and closes his eyes. “Don’t worry child, we are going to help you and your mom. I promise"

They stay silent, hearing the sound of water running in the bath.

Steve sighed. He’s been thinking about these nightmares. He runs a hand through his hair. “Did he say something this time while dreaming?”

“No, he didn’t. He just whimpered. Nothing that I could catch"

Steve sighed again, this time louder. He tried to tie invisible knots to Loki’s nightmares, but he didn’t know where to start.

He leaves the baby in the bed around some pillows and goes back to Bucky. His boyfriend grasped his hands and encircles them around his own neck and holds Steve by the waist. “Damn, I wish we could help him but he’s not ready nor willing to talk", he rested his head against his shoulder.

“Maybe we can but I’m still thinking how" Then it hit Steve. “Buck, do you recall what he said the first time he got one of those nightmares? You were watching over him that day”

Bucky’s head jerked up. He tried to remember. “Shit, I think I do. Wait, let me— he released Steve from himself— Damn, wait"

Steve did. 

“It sounded like Laufey"

Steve cocked an eyebrow. “Is that even a name? Maybe we can look it up. It’s worth a shot.”

“We have no last name, Steve wonder. And I don’t think we should ask Loki about it, it triggers something in him”

“I know but how many people in America would be called like that, Buck"

“Not many, and we have the right person to ask help for, Cap”

“She’s not going to like this”

“Maybe she’s gonna kicks us in the butt"

“Maybe, but it’s worth taking the shot"

They shared a brief kiss. 

 

Loki got out of the bathroom after a long while. 

Bucky was lying on the bed, he turned his head to look at him. He paused the tv and lifted himself from the mattress on his elbows.

Loki seemed far more relaxed. 

“Feeling any better?”

Loki just nodded. “Where’s Steve?”

“He went to search Nat"

Loki nodded again and made an oh with his mouth. He dried his hair with a towel then sat next to Bucky.

“Do you need a hug? They are free…” Bucky stared at his friend. He always made sure Loki was okay with their physical interactions.

Loki gave him a tiny smile. “I think I do"

Bucky reached for him and kept him there, rubbing his back slightly.

“C- can we go home? Please?” his voice still trembled.

“Sure, buddy. We are going home" Bucky held Loki to his chest, hearing his breathing rise and fall one more time before letting go.

 

\---

 

Steve found Natasha in the second living room.

“Hey Nat, would you be willing to look up some stuff for us? Please, we know you’re great with finding people"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! If you have any suggestions, feel free to ask. Sometimes I need stuff to think about through the day.


End file.
